What can you learn from loss?

A songwriter friend of mine says “the personal is the most universal”. In that spirit, I begin this post by saying what I’m about to share is very personal.

The other day was my son’s birthday. It was a bittersweet day for me because Matt is no longer with us. He died in a car accident when he was 18 years old.

My son, Matt Gear

Matt was my first born. He was bright, creative, active and engaging. And at times, he was annoying. He was not all that interested in the future, whereas I was more focused on helping him eat his vegetables, get to school on time, go to college, get a job, etc.

I was so focused on my own agenda for Matt that I missed his essential gift: he accepted people exactly as they were and played with them there. And, he could set aside his playful agenda when play was no longer possible. For example, as a teen, when he knew I’d reached the end of my rope with his antics, he would say, “Mom, sit down. Let me get you some tea.”

I learned at Matt’s funeral how deeply his gift of presence endeared him to others. Many of his peers whispered in my ear, “Matt was my best friend.”

OK, so what does this have to do with group work? Well, to be candid, I have been known to focus on agendas and overlook relationships in groups. While agendas are fine and even necessary tools, I've learned the hard way that they can be derailed if relationships are strained. Everyone loses when I keep pushing.

Recently, I’ve been reminded of this lesson in another way, through intuitive art. Here is one example:

in intuitive art, the first layer (left) evolves during the second layer (right).

The first layer (left) is busy, like my daily life. The second layer (right) reminded me that under all the outer busy-ness, my inner life is flowing with creative ideas, music and insight. It reminded me to focus more flow and less on tasks.

Now, I use what I have learned about loss to help others navigate change by offering workshops on “Transitions and New Beginnings.” Through intuitive painting, writing and talking, the participants are able to see more clearly what their transitions are teaching them.

We invite you to set aside your agenda for a day or two and attend to your relationship with yourself with courage and grace. Explore loss and what your inner self is trying to tell you, so you can let go and move on by joining one of our "Transitions and New Beginnings" workshops.

Learn about upcoming Transitions workshops and retreats  (exits to Improve Your Meetings website)